We Aren't Touching Enough... ...and it Shows.

In 1989, Nicolae Ceaușescu, Romania’s infamous dictator, was shot by firing squad. Amongst the other rubble of an almost-destroyed Romania was a horrifying secret: its State orphanages. Endemic poverty and a ban on contraceptives had produced thousands of children without families capable of raising them. These children were institutionalized in some of the most neglectful and abusive circumstances imaginable.

Joseph Sparling, a child-development specialist, did a study on children in one such institution.1 The standard of care for these children was 20 children to one caretaker. Neglected of touch, comfort and basic care, the children showed signs of abnormal development. By changing the ratio from 20:1 to 4:1 children per caregiver, Sparling watched levels of cortisol (the body’s stress hormone) become comparable with those of children living with their families. When put back into the larger groups with less caretakers, cortisol levels rose and other markers of performance plummeted again.

Skin-to-skin contact improves a baby's health.

From day one, nurturing, platonic touch is an integral part of every human’s life. Newborn babies benefit immensely from skin-to-skin contact, according to a recent Sanford Health Article.2 The article states that skin-to-skin contact reduces a baby’s stress levels, boosts their immune system, improves their sleep quality, and helps them bond with their mother.

Babies and children aren’t the only ones who benefit from non-sexual touch, however. In adults, this kind of touch can also lower stress and pain responses, increase oxytocin (the body's bonding hormone) levels, and even have effects on blood pressure and cardiovascular health.3 4 In short, healthy forms of touch increase our health, our sense of wellbeing, and even our physiology. When considering the reduction in stress hormones that touch can provide, it could even be said that healthy touch can help prevent disease.

With all the benefits of touch spanning from infancy to adulthood, you might expect we’d be increasing the amount we touch, and we’d be wise to, but the opposite may in fact be happening.

In an interview with Jonathan Jones5, Tiffany Field states the changes she’s seen in regards to touch over the years: “It used to be in airports, you’d see people hugging and napping on each other. Now they’re just not touching.” Field ought to know: she’s the head of the University of Miami School of Medicine’s Touch Research Institute.

Field cites technology as a major inhibitor of touch. In the interview, she tells Jones, “I’m doing an airport study, and I was in two airports yesterday, and there’s no touching going on. Everyone’s on their smartphone, even couples who were obviously traveling together, even parents of children. The kids are all on smartphones and so are their parents, and little two year olds on iPads…I think social media has been really detrimental to touch. Being on your phone is distancing people physically from each other.” It's harder to touch someone when your hands are cradling your phone, iPad or computer.

Technology use may be a partial cause of our decrease in touch as a society.

And while the use of technology may have practical implications for the amount of touching we do, it's just one component of a broader mindset of hyper-independence. In decades past, multiple generations might share a dwelling, meaning there were ample opportunities to receive hugs, pats on the back, or other forms of healthy, supportive touch. Some cultures still live this way, but the vast

majority of folks in the 1st world live more solitary lives. Marriage happens less, and later. Close to 25% of American adults live alone.

Susie Demarinis, in her article, “Loneliness at Epidemic Levels in America”6 states that,

“…more than 3 in 5 Americans are lonely…Gen Z (18-22 years old) [has] the highest average loneliness score while Baby Boomers (55-73 years old) [have] the lowest.” It sounds like our modern societal insistence on “independence” and going one’s own way may not correlate with health. As I read elsewhere7, “It…seems that cultural training in low contact, self-reliance and independence does not “immunize” against feeling lonely.” Meanwhile, the older generations seem to be reaping the benefits of growing up in nuclear families, with webs of extended family and close-knit communities.

In 2020, the COVID-19 pandemic swept the globe, and close in its tracks, a mental health crisis. One of the hallmarks of pandemic etiquette was to avoid touching at all costs. Visiting in person, let alone touching, was replaced by more sterile practices like chatting over Zoom, and people voluntarily pulled away from their physical support systems. The healthy touch many of us enjoyed before the pandemic was shaken in the months, and for some, years, after its onset.

COVID-19 prevention measures discouraged touch.

And for many, the isolation was overwhelming. When we lost the permission to touch, we lost the associated social and physiological benefits. Rates of elevated depression rose sharply from 8.5% of US adults pre-pandemic to 27.8% at the beginning of the pandemic, and up to 32.8% in 2021 as the fallout continued.8

Years after the pandemic, things are still not back to the way they were before. If we do find ourselves “touch starved”, what does it mean for us, our children, and our society? As well, what can we do about it?

Being “touch starved” or experiencing “skin hunger” are two ways that writers Lauren Sharkey and Karen Lamoreux described lacking physical touch from other living beings, in their article, “What Does it Mean to be Touch Starved?”9 The effects, they say, of touch starvation, are feelings of loneliness, as well as possible trouble sleeping, depression or anxiety, and more.

Broken down, this makes a lot of sense. As Thea Blair, Waldorf School teacher and Massage Therapist observed, “…We don’t touch what we don’t like. If touch says “I accept you”, then what does a lack of touch imply? We humans are social creatures. Isolation is the highest form of punishment.”10 A lack of touch may feel like a subtle rejection, even when someone isn't being intentionally shunned.

As discussed above, we know that the negative effects of less touch take their toll on adults and children alike. The Romanian Orphanages are an extreme example, but even more moderate reductions in touch have their effect on children. In the interview cited above between Field and Jones, Field explains that children who were touched more were kinder and more compassionate. Those with less touch acted more aggressively towards other children.

When children touch other children aggressively or inappropriately, they’re told to stop, but often not redirected. The desire to touch their peers is actually a healthy, inborn desire. The trouble is, without proper instruction about healthy touch, children are left to their own imagination as to how to connect with their peers physically.11 The children who don’t receive healthy touch at home may simply not have a model for what’s appropriate, what feels good and is safe, and what isn’t. One answer to this is peer massage.

Children who have touched each other safely may be less likely to bully their peers.

Peer Massage, which started in the Swedish school system, has been implemented with success at schools in several other countries including England and Australia.12 Students are guided through giving a simple, fun massage to another seated classmate. The rationale behind peer massage is simple: that

children who have touched their peers appropriately and compassionately will be

less likely to bully or hurt their peers later.

Most of us have aged out of school settings, but still need to find healthy ways to incorporate more healthy touch into our lives. For those adults attached to families, the answer is simple: touch your family. Hug your parents. Hold hands with your spouse. Rough-house with your kids (rough-housing is good for kids, according to THIS psychologist13).

For single people, this can be more difficult. While some may still have friends or family that they’re on close enough terms with to get a hug or other touch if desired, many others do not. So where can an adult go for healthy, platonic touch?

Massage Therapy is a great way to receive touch. Besides noteworthy benefits to the muscular, circulatory, immune and digestive systems, it has a tremendously positive impact on the nervous system. Massage Therapy can decrease the body’s stress response, increase it’s rest-and-digest response, and overall provide a greater sense of wellbeing. I wrote extensively about it HERE.

Social activities like swing dancing are fun ways to increase your intake of healthy touch. Swing dancing is a low pressure, fun, and upbeat form of social dancing that is very inclusive. Most forms of it are low contact, so while it is partner dancing, it’s very respectful. It provides a safe and supportive form of constructive, healthy touch.

Jiu Jitsu provides an opportunity to set physical boundaries. 15

Contact sports like Jiu Jitsu provide lots of healthy touch…and healthy competition. Jiu Jitsu is a close contact martial art that provides you with a fabulous workout and lots of physical touch. (No, healthy touch doesn’t need to be cuddly, just constructive and consensual.) Practicing Jiu Jitsu provides kids and adults alike a unique opportunity to set boundaries: a match ends as soon as one opponent taps out. For those who never have experienced their boundaries around touch honoured, exercising their right to tap in Jiu Jitsu might be very helpful.

If the above options seem too daunting or out of reach for you, try petting a furry friend! It turns out that petting a dog releases oxytocin, similar to getting a hug from a friend.14 And while you may not be ready to adopt a pet, you probably have friends who would let you walk their dog, or housesit their cat. There may even be volunteer opportunities at a local animal shelter!

Receiving positive touch tells us that we’re accepted. It has a host of psychological and physiological benefits and helps us feel connected to a safety net of common humanity. While we do live in a social-media obsessed, post-pandemic, touch averse society, there are still lots of wholesome, accessible ways to receive touch. And while we can’t change others, we can change ourselves. Next time, why don't you be the first person to initiate a hug, handshake or high five!

Don't be afraid to offer a hug or handshake next time you greet friends or family!

BIBLIOGRAPHY:

1. Konnikova, M. (2015, March 4). The Power of Touch. The New Yorker. https://www.newyorker.com/science/maria-konnikova/power-touch

2. SHN Staff. (2023, June 20). The Importance of Skin-to-Skin With Baby After Delivery. Sanford Health. https://news.sanfordhealth.org/childrens/the-importance-of-skin-to-skin-after-delivery-you-should-know/

3. Keltner, D. (2010, September 29). Hands On Research: The Science of Touch: Dacher Keltner explains how compassion is literally at our fingertips. Greater Good Magazine. https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/hands_on_research

4. Luna, J. Physical Touch Lowers Blood Pressure. Catalyst PT and Wellness. https://catalystptandwellness.com/physical-touch-lowers-blood-pressure/

5. Jones, J. (2018, November 16). Why Physical Touch Matters for Your Well-Being. Greater Good Magazine. https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/why_physical_touch_matters_for_your_well_being

6. Demarinis S. Loneliness at epidemic levels in America. Explore (NY). 2020 Sep-Oct;16(5):278-279. doi: 10.1016/j.explore.2020.06.008. Epub 2020 Jun 28. PMID: 32674944; PMCID: PMC7321652.

7. Heatley Tejada A, Dunbar RIM, Montero M. Physical Contact and Loneliness: Being Touched Reduces Perceptions of Loneliness. Adapt Human Behav Physiol. 2020;6(3):292-306. doi: 10.1007/s40750-020-00138-0. Epub 2020 May 26. PMID: 32837856; PMCID: PMC7250541.

8. Pikul, C (2021, October 5). Depression rates tripled and symptoms intensified during first year of COVID-19. Brown University. https://www.brown.edu/news/2021-10-05/pandemic-depression

9. Sharkey, L & Lamoreux, K. (2021, April 8). What Does it Mean to be Touch Starved?. Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/touch-starved

10. Blair, T. Children Should Be Touching in School: Peer massage – Calm, focused and friendly. Waldorf Today. https://www.waldorftoday.com/2013/05/children-should-be-touching-in-school-peer-massage-calm-focused-and-friendly/

11. See Footnote 10

12. See Footnote 10

13. Jordan Peterson Fan Channel. (2017, October 26). Why Kids Need Rough and Tumble Plays- Prof. Jordan Peterson [Video]. Youtube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=933DhGAz0kI

14. London, K. (2023, February 8). Chemistry Between People and Pets Is Real (It’s Science). The Wildest. https://www.thewildest.com/dog-lifestyle/oxytocin-chemistry-between-people-and-dogs-real

15. Photo by RDNE Stock project: https://www.pexels.com/photo/men-doing-martial-arts-8611251/